


The Prisoner in Cell Block 4

by RachaelGold



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 08:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14745471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachaelGold/pseuds/RachaelGold
Summary: Kathryn is held captive in an alien dungeon. The experience draws her closer to Chakotay.Setting: early Season 7





	1. Chapter 1

Chakotay stopped the away team with a wave of his hand and stared at the jagged pathway that led deeper into the jail. The razor like teeth which protruded from the ground glinted in the light from his wrist beacon. His heart began to thump. This was an unexpected set-back. He'd expected force-fields, guards, booby-traps, but not this vicious carpet of blades. It stretched on for metres into the darkness. Not one of them could venture much farther without his boots being ripped to shreds and thereafter his feet. 

No wonder that the security so far had been easily evaded! Two guards downed, several force-fields quickly deactivated and a few locks picked or phasered out of existence. They'd got this far with little resistance and successfully avoided raising any alarms. Despite the shields which prevented transporters and scanners from penetrating the interior, this was a poorly secured facility from the ground. The Gaisuu, whose unenviable planet they had called on in desperate need for resources, were evidently content that the facility was unlikely to be a source of interest to the visitors from Alpha Quadrant. It had been a matter of luck that intelligence gathering missions had found a few people willing to divulge where they had taken her…their beloved Captain arrested and jailed for no other reason than that she had dared to take her ship into Gaisuun space. They had been told to leave, to move on without her, to be glad that they hadn't all been arrested. A race, which on the viewscreen had seemed perfectly welcoming, had turned out to be calculating and malicious in the flesh. They weren't the first and they wouldn't be the last. 

He wondered, as he had done many times over the hours they'd spent in planning this operation, whether Kathryn would approve of their going against the prime directive. He certainly had no qualms about doing so himself in an effort to recover her safely. Diplomacy had failed spectacularly. She'd been arrested on spurious charges, tried instantly in a kangaroo court and within hours sentenced to life imprisonment. Not one of the crew had been witness to the trial, nor even seen her since. They had been left with no other avenues to secure her release. He was in charge now, and Starfleet protocol was certainly not going to stop him. There was no way he was going to break orbit and leave without her. He wouldn't do that to the lowliest member of the crew, let alone to the woman he'd loved for six years. Besides, if the situation had been different and if some other member of the crew had been incarcerated in this way instead of the Captain, he was pretty sure she would not abandon them to languish in some hideous jail for the rest of their lives, prime directive be damned. 

Failure was not an option. The prospect of going onward without Kathryn was unthinkable. 

He squatted down next to Tom, who was studying the blades of metal grass intently. He reached out and touched a few blades cautiously with a knife. He could tell the blades were razor sharp. 

"We should be careful!" he addressed Tom. "They could be coated in poison!" 

Tom nodded. "It is possible. I was wondering if they could be retracted at all. They must have some method for crossing this." 

Chakotay dug around with his knife. "I don't think so. They look pretty firm to me." 

"I think you're right." 

Chakotay shone his torch forward and decided there were several metres of the stuff before the ground became solid again, and possibly further patches of the lethal grass beyond. Scanning the smooth walls of the corridor which constituted the only access to the jail, he realised there was no way of getting any purchase there in order to climb sideways along the wall for the length of the metal carpet. Going back outside to ask Voyager to beam down some boards to lay over the blades or anti-grav units was not an option. The commotion would significantly increase their chances of being discovered and thus the attempt to rescue Kathryn would have to be abandoned. Then the Gaisuuns would move her and their chances of discovering where they kept her a second time would be almost negligible. 

Tom aimed his phaser at a patch of the grass to see if this had any effect. The blades glowed white hot, but remained stubbornly vertical. After thirty seconds, he shut down the beam with frustration. Burning a way through was clearly not possible. "Could we phaser down some doors?" 

Chakotay considered this for a moment. "We've only passed a couple…and it would take quite a few to span the distance. And they'd have to be strong to withstand the pressure from the spikes." 

"Sir!" called Ayala coming up from the rear. He was waving something in the darkness and held it out towards his superior officer. "Try these. I took them off the two unconscious guards." 

Chakotay took the offered objects and turned them over curiously. "Boots?" 

"Yes, sir. They have reinforced soles…look!" 

Chakotay studied the boots carefully and saw that this was indeed the case. The boots were specifically designed to walk on the deathly blades. The soles looked like they were made of tritanium or something approaching it, and had indents specifically designed to gain purchase on the lethal carpet. Ordinary boots would give out within a few paces. They would become quickly impaled on the spikes or fall apart, effectively trapping their wearer in the midst of the carpet. It would be impossible to move in bare feet…the blades would spike any bare flesh instantly. It was a very effective deterrent to unwelcome visitors. He was relieved to see that the boots were more than large enough for human feet, probably too big…the Gaisuuns being slightly larger than humans. 

"We need more of these. Ayala, Jenkins, go back and scout for some. Meet back here in five minutes. Paris and I will go forward and see what we can do." 

Chakotay and Tom donned the two pairs of boots, ripping the hem of their t-shirts to improve the fit. They cast their own boots to the side and ventured cautiously onto the blades. They would have to cross the carpet very carefully. If either of them fell, they would be seriously injured, if not trapped with spikes sticking into them. The soles of the boots did not flex and they were somewhat cumbersome to walk in. 

This first section of this malicious humanoid flypaper lasted for about fifteen metres before the floor returned to stone. Some way beyond that, a second section of bladed flooring was reached. Chakotay turned and signalled this information with his beacon to the two remaining members of the recovery team who were waiting, phasers at the ready, for the return of Ayala and Jenkins. 

Tom and Chakotay crossed this second section without incident and found the corridor terminated in a very dark T junction. They flattened themselves against the wall in long-practised manner and signalled a halt. Chakotay scanned round the corner to get a view in both directions. 

No force-fields were detected, which made their job easier. One direction was in complete darkness, although the bars of some cells could just be made out. In the other direction there was a lamp on a desk, and a guard with his back to the wall was sitting reading some sort of book. There appeared to be no other guards, although it was hard to be sure because the space beyond this guard was in darkness. 

There was by now a strong stench of unwashed bodies and putrid flesh which made their stomachs churn. They were nearing the heart of the prison. 

Chakotay and Tom nodded to each other and, on the count of three, leapt round the corner. A shot from Tom's phaser stunned the guard almost before he'd had a chance to react. 

Waiting only momentarily to see if any other guards appeared, they surged forwards and ensured the guard was out for the count. Chakotay tried to tamp down his disgust at the creature's appearance…he'd come to detest their furry faces over the last few days. They turned the man over and secured his hands behind his back, before removing the bunch of cell keys from his waist and his communicator. As Chakotay began to remove the boots from the limp body, Tom rose to investigate a door to the side of the guard's desk. It opened into a brightly lit but unoccupied room. Glancing round, he saw a row of monitors showing views of several of the dingy prison corridors. He could see the rest of the away team on one, so they had been lucky that no-one had been paying any attention. So far, they had gotten in with little trouble. He also noted a rack with several pairs of the special boots, and he picked up three pairs before returning to Chakotay with his booty. 

Chakotay looked up from behind the desk as Tom returned. He had his scanner linked to a computer on the desk, hoping it might be able to provide a lead to Kathryn's whereabouts. It was clearly having problems with the alien protocol. 

"Several monitors in there," Tom told him. "Can't be sure no-one else is watching." 

Chakotay nodded, handing Tom the pair of boots he'd just removed from the prone guard. "Get those back to the others!" 

Tom gathered the four pairs of boots and made the return journey while Chakotay wrestled with the alien computer. He needed to be cautious, in case anyone was monitoring the network for unauthorised access. A glance around the immediate vicinity suggested that the majority of the prisoners were asleep. This was something of a relief. 

The scanner came up with a password and eventually a list of prisoners. Kathryn's name was not immediately visible, but a reference to a pale bald alien (female) in block 4 caught his eye. He knew that nearly every alien (even Kathryn with her wonderfully exotic russet hair) would appear bald to this overly hairy creatures, but it was the best lead they had. By the time he had checked it against his plan of the prison, the others were back…all booted up with the shoes Tom had taken them. Neither Ayala nor Jenkins had managed to obtain any on their scouting trip. 

They dragged the body of the downed guard into the small room and locked him in. Stealthily they crept forward, Chakotay indicating the direction they should take. The corridor was darkened, but there were cells on either side, dank and medieval in nature. They had bars at the front and they could make out the shapes of pitiful lifeforms within, huddled in corners on the floor. Few had bunks to sleep on. Most were Gaisuun, but the occasional alien appeared. They were nearly all male and in solitary confinement. 

And they were nearly all naked. Those few that were not, were wearing only filthy rags. This dungeon was cold and filthy…a place not even fit for animals. Tom and Chakotay exchanged a glance of horror. Both knew now that they would find Kathryn in terrible conditions. She could not survive long here. They hoped that they were not already too late. 

They crossed a further patch of blading, before they reached their destination. Entering cell block 4, they began searching, shining their beacons through the bars. A few poor wretches lifted their heads momentarily, before dropping them wearily onto their chests. They had neither the strength nor the motivation to care what was happening beyond their cell. Most didn't react at all. They were clearly used to having torches shone at them in the middle of the night. 

This was a dark and miserable place. It smelt of unclean flesh, rotten food, vomit. There were no windows that would admit any light or air during the heat of the day. The place was probably crawling with vermin. There were drains for urine and excrement to be washed away running into a culvert in one corner, the only link to the outside world. No wonder the guards did not spend much of their time policing such a ghastly hell-hole. Tom and Chakotay tried hard to mask the concern from their faces as they ventured forward. Realising the horror of what they might find, sensing they were closing in on their Captain and concerned for her dignity, they made the rest of the team hang back and guard their escape route. 

They could wish with all their hearts to release all these miserable beings from this terrible place, but they were well enough trained to know they had to focus on their mission. They had to find Kathryn. Failure was not an option. 

They'd passed ten or fifteen cells and rounded two corners before Chakotay caught sight of a huddled white shape with its back to the wall and its feet drawn up, shins enclosed in its arms. The dark head which had dropped onto the knees glinted a distinctive and unmistakable red in the light of the beam. The miserable figure was immediately recognisable as human. Frail, thin, dirty, naked. Chakotay held out his arm to halt Tom. The prisoner did not react to the light that fell on it. 

Chakotay's heart was pumping now as he went forward to inspect the lock. He decided not to speak until he had got the door open, ready for escape, and he could actually touch her. He fiddled with half a dozen keys with shaking hands, and he scolded himself for his loss of control. None of them fitted! He told himself to focus, to hold steady. Kathryn needed him. Tom came forward and wordlessly took the bunch of keys from him and tried again. Finally the lock gave way and the door creaked open. 

"Kathryn!" Chakotay whispered as he approached her. "Kathryn!" 

There was no response. He knelt down in front of her touching her gently on the arm. Tom stood back in deference to both of them, casting his eyes elsewhere and taking in the horror of the cell in which his commanding officer had been incarcerated. There was no bed, just a pile of dirty straw on part of the cold stone floor. There was an empty tin mug on its side and a plate with a few scraps of stale bread. Nothing more. It made his heart bleed. 

He fought the need to turn his eyes back to the prisoner for a moment, even though he was the only one there with medical training. He wanted to give Chakotay the chance to reach out to her first. He knew the big guy had a special relationship with this woman. How far it went, he never could tell, but he'd always hoped it was more than just friendship. He knew they'd always been attracted to each other and he knew they cared very deeply for each other. Friends or lovers, these were two people who held each other in special regard. 

"Kathryn. It's me. Chakotay!" said the older man softly. 

The prisoner finally lifted her head slightly. Her eyes were clouded, confused. She tried to focus on the stranger looking at her. 

"I've come to take you home." 

The light seemed to come on in the prisoner's eyes. "Chako…" 

"I'm here, love." He stroked her arm gently, trying to reinforce his presence. "Can you stand for me?" 

Weakly, she pulled up into his arms. He was immediately struck by the boniness of her frame, how cold she was and how she trembled. He tried to tamp down the rush of emotion that was engulfing him. This was the body he'd dreamed of holding naked for years, but this was very far from how he envisaged it. She was cold as ice. She lacked the soft fullness of his imagination. Her breasts, which he had tried hard not to look at, had all but disappeared. His heart ached as he thought of her ordeal, and he had to remind himself that this was not how Kathryn in her full glory would be. She smelled unwashed, no trace of her usual sweet fragrance…roses, occasionally peaches or some other delightful combination. He'd held her often enough over the years to catalogue them all. 

He held her for a few moments, desperate to offer comfort, allowing his chin to rest on the top of her head. "We'll get you home," he repeated. 

Tom now stepped forward and took a very quick scan of Kathryn. Glancing sideways, Chakotay could tell even in the darkness that Tom's face looked grim. 

"Can she be moved?" 

Tom nodded. "She's weak. She'll need help. And she's very dehydrated. This will help," he finished, applying a hypospray to her neck. 

As Kathryn leaned back against the wall for support, Chakotay pulled off his backsack and shrugged off his jacket, casting his eyes aside for the moment. He stepped forward to put her into his jacket and only then looked fully into her face. He smiled sadly as a few stray tears tracked down her cheeks. 

After a moment's consideration, Tom repeated Chakotay's movements and stepped forward with his own jacket dangling from one hand. He held it towards Chakotay, who took it solemnly. For a moment Chakotay felt confused, until he realised that his own jacket only covered her top half and just reached to the middle of her buttocks. 

"We need to get moving!" Tom urged. 

Chakotay nodded and tied Tom's jacket around her waist, to cover as much of her lower half as possible. He too was anxious to get going. 

Together they helped Kathryn back out the way they had come and rejoined the rest of the away team. There was a brief nod and a smile from the others, the only acknowledgement that they had regained their Captain. Tom, Chakotay and Kathryn surged ahead retracing the route to safety. Ayala without a word fell in behind, guarding their rear. 

As soon as they came to the first of the evil carpets, they realised one of the reasons for the nakedness of the prisoners. Even if they escaped the cells, in bare feet they could never cross these lethal traps. The practicality of getting Kathryn across became paramount. 

"I'll carry you across," he said, turning to her. "Can you climb on my back?" 

Kathryn looked doubtful for a moment, but he hunched himself lower and she put her arms around his shoulders. He heaved her slightly, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, and he closed his arms under her knees to support her weight. Tom adjusted his jacket slightly to preserve her dignity and Chakotay closed his eyes to try and put out of his mind the fact that her naked vulva was pressed against his back. There was only the thin layer of his vest between them. Tom glanced at him in concern, and he nodded that he was okay. His burden was after all so light. 

He started cautiously onto the mat and took steady steps forward. He didn't dare slip. 

"You okay up there?" he asked Kathryn. She only answered with a slight grunt. 

The first carpet cleared, he lowered her back to the floor, and it was immediately obvious that she needed support even on the solid ground. After all, she still had no shoes. For a moment, it looked as if she was going to faint. Tom and Chakotay both had to support her for a while. 

Twice more, Chakotay had to carry her across the blade carpets, and twice Tom put his hands on her butt to give her some support. It was a reflection of her level of consciousness that she never raised an objection. 

As they passed the last cell, Tom threw the set of keys through the bars where they landed with a clang. The poor wretch inside probably didn't have much chance of escape, but they could not afford to stay and open all the other cells. It was all he could do, and a commotion within the cells here might cover their tracks for a while. 

When they finally reached the exterior of the building, Ayala set about contacting Voyager, whilst Tom again ran a medical tricorder over his Captain. 

He pulled a bottle of water from his backsack and offered it to her. She took it gratefully. "You're dehydrated," he told her. She nodded and took a long draught. "Go easy…we need to get you to Sickbay." 

"My quarters please…I need a bath," she managed. 

Tom and Chakotay exchanged a look, and nodded at each other. 

Chakotay hit his comm. badge. "Voyager, lock onto my comm. badge and beam three to the Captain's quarters. Send the Doctor to us," he spoke the words clearly. 

Kathryn, supported by Tom and Chakotay, one on either side, vanished in a blue haze. 


	2. Chapter 2

It was with relief that they found themselves within Kathryn's living room. 

"What can I get you?" Chakotay asked Kathryn, still holding on tightly lest she fall. 

"Bath!" she barked. "Please." 

He nodded with a faint smile, finally releasing her to Tom. "I'll go and run it." He stepped towards her bathroom, hitting his comm. badge again. "Chakotay to Bridge." 

" _Tuvok, here._ " 

"We have the Captain. Break orbit as soon as the remainder of the away team are aboard." 

" _Aye, aye, Sir._ " The link closed. 

"Can I get you anything?" Tom asked her. 

"Some more of that water," she said breathily. 

Tom passed her the bottle, not really willing to let her go. He wasn't sure if she could stand by herself. 

She took another long drink and passed the bottle back to him. "You can let go. I'm not going to fall." 

Tom released his grip with a nod. "Do you want to sit down?" 

"No…I just want to get in that damned bath." 

Tom smiled, relieved now that they were getting more response out of her. 

"You've seen rather more of your Captain today than is proper," she told him. 

His smile broadened wickedly. "Don't let it bother you. I'm a trained medic after all." 

"I'm sorry about…your jacket. I'll give you the rations to replicate a new one." 

"No need. I'll have that one back." 

"It's filthy…the sleeves are screwed up…it might even be torn…" 

"Gives it character. There's nothing there the refresher can't handle. Besides…that jacket is going to be legendary. After all, it's been around the Captain's butt…" 

"Tom!" she warned, a glint of her famous steel showing in her eyes. "If this gets round the ship…." 

Chakotay came back through from the bathroom, buoyed to see the sparks of her feisty spirit showing through. He reflected often that Voyager could not go on without it. It was what kept them going. 

"Don't worry, ma'am. You can count on my discretion. Give me the jacket…I'll get it cleaned up." 

Kathryn cast her eyes towards Chakotay whose eyes remained neutral. 

"Is the bath ready?" 

"Yes." 

"Good." Kathryn headed through the door into her bedroom with Chakotay on her tail and removed Tom's jacket from her lower half. She handed it to Chakotay without comment, who took it back into the lounge and handed it apologetically to Tom. 

"Captain," Tom called through the open bedroom door, a teasing but affectionate tone to his voice. "I just want to say, it's a very cute butt!" 

Kathryn's mouth dropped open, but if she was going to haul him up over that comment, she didn't have a chance. Tom had left, passing the Doctor on his way in. 

"Where's the patient?" 

"In the bedroom," Chakotay told him. 

"Getting in the bath," came her voice from the bedroom. 

"It will have to wait," the Doctor insisted following the sound of her voice. "At least until I've examined you." 

There was a distinct sigh from the bedroom, before she reappeared in the doorway. 

The Doctor raised an eyebrow at her attire. She was still clad in Chakotay's jacket, which swamped her top half but only reached to the middle of her buttocks. Her hands were swallowed by the sleeves. Chakotay ventured a smile, relaxing a little at her near nakedness. Under different circumstances it could have been considered cute, he thought. 

The Doctor ran his scanner over her, firing a number of questions as to how she was feeling, muttering about low blood pressure, inflamed kidneys and skin rashes. Kathryn answered him succinctly, not particularly wishing to get into a long discussion. The bath beckoned. 

"Hmm," said the Doctor, applying two different hypersprays to her neck. "You're dehydrated, very undernourished. You've lost a lot of weight. Your skin is in poor condition. There are numerous lesions, particularly to the hands and feet. Some vitamin supplements will help. There are no broken bones, but you are battling a number of infections. And you have, or rather had, head lice." 

Kathryn's eyes darkened and Chakotay felt awkward again. 

"The bio-filters should have dealt with the problem when you transported, but I will leave you with some lotion which will soothe any residual irritation in your scalp. Just shampoo it in and leave it for five minutes…then rinse it out. I will do it for you if you like. Perhaps you should come to sickbay. You should not be alone in case you feel faint." 

"I want to stay here." 

"You cannot be alone. Your blood sugar levels are too low, and you are physically quite fragile. You really should be in Sickbay." 

"I'll stay with her," Chakotay offered, fully understanding Kathryn's desire to be in her own quarters, particularly after three weeks languishing in a disgusting prison cell. "I'll make sure she's alright. Tuvok can handle things on the Bridge." 

The Doctor looked questioningly at Kathryn, who merely said, "Thank-you." 

The Doctor turned to Chakotay. "I'll leave strict instructions as to what she is to eat: nutritious broth, bread, cheese and fruit only. No coffee." 

"No coffee!" said Kathryn, outraged. 

"Not until I'm sure your heart-rate has settled. I'm anticipating at least twenty-four hours." 

"Humph." 

"I will leave this monitor on her neck," the Doctor said, attaching a small device. "See she gets plenty of rest. No fretting about the ship until I clear her for duty. Keep visitors to a minimum. I'll also leave some cream for the rashes on her skin…." 

"I am here, you know," Kathryn said indignantly. 

The Doctor turned to her and smiled gently. "Naturally, we are very pleased you are. You will be right as rain in a few days." 

"Doctor," Kathryn asked, trying to tamp down her embarrassment, "Could Chakotay have picked up the head lice? Tom even, or the rest of the away team? They got pretty close." 

"Rest assured the bio-filters will have taken care of it. But I will scan them all discretely, if it will put your mind at rest. Nobody outside this room need know." He lifted his scanner and ran it over Chakotay. "You're all clear, Commander." 

"Thank-you," Kathryn responded with relief. 

"Well, I'll leave you to it. Make sure you eat something within the next hour." 

"I will." 

"I'll be back in the morning to check you again." 

The Doctor left the two of them alone and Kathryn turned to Chakotay with a rather mortified look on her face. 

"I'll check your bath. Get it back up to temperature." 

He led the way through into her bathroom and ordered a resetting of the water temperature. He'd infused the water with some sweet-smelling fragrance and she took a huge lungful with appreciation. 

"I'm sorry, Chakotay." 

"Whatever for?" 

"This…this isn't pleasant. And I don't smell too good…Then the headlice…" 

"Kathryn, you've no need to feel embarrassed with me. We're in this together. And I am just so grateful to have you back." 

"I shouldn't have got us into this situation." 

"You weren't to know these aliens were so devious. None of us were." 

"True. But I thought…I thought…I didn't think I'd be rescued," she said, with a hitch in her voice. "I did not expect you to put any more lives on the line to get me out of there." 

"Kathryn, there was no way in hell we were going to leave you to rot in that…that godforsaken dungeon. You would never have left any other member of the crew, and we certainly wouldn't leave you. Voyager without her Captain is unthinkable. We'd be lost without you." 

"No, you wouldn't." 

"Yes, we would. Leaving you behind was never an option, so let's leave it at that. I thought you wanted this bath?" 

She nodded, but still hesitated. He realised his presence in the bathroom was holding her back. He stood up awkwardly. "I'll come back and wash your hair for you." There was a look of abject horror on her face, suggesting that she thought this a most inappropriate suggestion. "What's the matter? I've already seen everything you've got today, and you're half-naked now!" 

"Allow me some dignity. There's precious little of it left." 

"You can be as undignified with me as you want. You're my best friend. It shouldn't matter that you're a woman and I'm a man." 

Kathryn looked at him doubtfully. It mattered more than they cared to admit, because they were more than friends. They were almost lovers. For six years, they had fought their attraction to each other. They both knew it. To venture beyond their carefully constructed barriers was dangerous. Kathryn was embarrassed too that she did not look her best, but there was nothing but sympathy in his eyes. 

"I can't risk you fainting on me," he told her. "The Doctor said your blood pressure was low…so I'm going to stay nearby. Let's swallow a little of our pride, shall we?" 

He came up close and gently rested his hands on her shoulders. She nodded slightly and slipped Chakotay's jacket from her shoulders. He took the jacket from her and slipped past her, leaving the door open. 

"I'll put it into the refresher," he commented and disappeared. While he was gone she climbed into the bath and laid her head back with a relieved sigh. Chakotay took the opportunity to check with the Bridge. They were not being pursued, which was only to be expected. Gaisuu did not have any craft capable of matching Voyager's speed. 

After a while, Kathryn became aware that he was hovering just outside the bathroom door which had been left partially open. She tried not to let it disturb her. He was right. He'd already seen everything she'd got, although she hated that she looked so pitiful at the moment. She really didn't want to display it any more than she had to. There was always a loaded tension between them, whenever anything hinting at a greater intimacy than mere friendship reared its head…and her being naked in the bath certainly qualified. It would probably have been much easier, if she had known for sure that he never at any time had been attracted to her. How she wished she felt strong enough to send him away, so that she could deal with this on her own, but she knew she couldn't. She felt a little dizzy when she moved her head. 

She summoned the energy to soap herself while listening to the soothing sound of his voice from the bedroom. Every so often he demanded a response from her, just for reassurance that she was still conscious. 

"I'm coming in to wash your hair in a moment." 

"There's no need. I think I can manage." 

"You haven't got the strength. You know I'll do it more thoroughly." 

He would and she knew it. She was silent for sometime considering the ramifications of letting him in here while she was totally naked. The suds that he had thoughtfully added to the bath had all but disappeared. However, she didn't have the strength to argue any more and that particular boundary had already been crossed. 

"Let me, Kathryn," he said softly. 

"Alright," she conceded with a resigned sigh. 

Chakotay entered the bathroom now with a pile of warm clean towels which he set to the side. He picked up the lotion the Doctor had given and knelt behind her head, thrilled that she had now given him permission to push the limits, if only a little. 

For the first time, he appraised her nakedness fully. Her skin was sallow, flaking in places…a result of her undernourishment. There was a boniness to her whole frame. The usual plumpness of her arms was gone, the rippling musculature of her biceps faded; so was the natural sheen of her flesh. Her breasts were flatly unremarkable and he swallowed his disappointment. He knew this was not her body in its full glory, a body he'd long admired and desperately hoped to make love to some day. 

He reached down to run his hands through her matted hair and came to a decision. It was going to strain his back bending over like this. 

"I'll get a comb!" he said. 

In fact, he did more than that. After fetching the comb from her bedroom, he returned stripped to the waist. He came round behind her back again and placed the comb within reach. 

He dug his thumbs into the waistband of his pants, and it wasn't until his trousers were round his ankles, that Kathryn woke up to what was going on. 

He'd pushed her forward and slipped into the bath behind her almost before she had the chance to object. 

"Chakotay, what do you think you're doing?" 

"I'm going to wash your hair." 

"I think this classifies as rather more than that!" she half-turned and glared at him. 

"Just relax will you? I've seen all you've got, now it's only fair you see all I've got. Besides, why would you have such a ridiculously large bath as this, if it wasn't for sharing?" 

"This isn't appropriate. We've pushed the line far enough today." 

"Why in heaven's name are you complaining? I can think of a thousand women who would love to have me share a bath with them!" 

"Well, maybe I'm not one of them." 

"Stop complaining! We both know that's not true." 

"Well, really!" she huffed. 

"I wasn't going to strain my back washing your hair. Now, lean back into me and relax." The sparks glinted in her eyes for a few moments longer before she resigned herself to her fate, and turned back. She leant back into him. 

"That's better!" he encouraged. "Now rest your head on my chest." 

She allowed her head to drop under his chin and tried hard not to think about how close his body was to hers; tried hard not to think about how wonderful this felt. 

"Good. It's going to take a while to tame this mop." He reached for the lotion and began massaging it into her hair. 

"The water must be filthy," she said apologetically. 

"Kathryn, I've been in the same dungeon you have today. I'm pretty filthy myself. Now stop fretting. You need to stay calm." 

"Okay. I'll try." It was a bit late now to stop all this anyway. 

"Breathe deeply. Try to relax." 

They were silent for a few minutes while Chakotay worked on her hair. She closed her eyes. She had to admit this felt good. 

"Chakotay?" 

"Mmm. Hmm?" 

"I figured I would look a bit better than this…if you ever got to see me naked." 

He grinned at this comment. So she'd thought about him seeing her naked! He was somehow rather pleased about that. "You can't help how you look right now," he told her. He'd been telling himself exactly that for the last two hours. 

"I know that." 

"In a couple of weeks you'll be back to your usual self…and trust me, I have a pretty good imagination." 

"Oh." 

"He's right, you know." 

"Who?" 

"Tom. You do have a cute butt." 

"Oh, spare me the joke." 

"I'm deadly serious. There's not a male officer on the Bridge who hasn't admired it at some point or other." 

Kathryn turned again in indignation and met his gaze. To her surprise, she realised he was deadly serious. And there was delicious twinkle in his eyes that set the butterflies alight in her belly. 

She turned back flustered. Not wishing to lean back into him again, because she was suddenly painfully aware that a certain part of his anatomy was dangerously close to her own aforementioned butt. She wondered how he was managing to remain so unaroused. Well, perhaps she shouldn't be all that surprised. She didn't look particularly attractive at the moment…but then again he'd just said rather encouraging things about her butt. 

Chakotay sensed a change in the tension from simple care and nurturing to something more sensual and knew that he wasn't going to be able to stop the reaction in his body unless he backed off. He pushed her farther from him, making space between them and then shifted so that he could reach the comb. 

"Let's have a go with this." 

Kathryn glanced momentarily at him, her face showing her confusion, and then nodded. 

Chakotay, who had pulled himself together again by focusing on her needs, now knelt behind her and lifted the comb. 

"I'm afraid this is going to hurt. I'll be as gentle as I can." 

Kathryn accepted the grooming, closing her eyes as he pulled at the knots. The lotion had eased the task, but it still hurt a little. A myriad of thoughts went racing through her mind. She was naked with her First Officer, for goodness sake, something she'd fought for years. It was embarrassing, sensual, delicious all at once. How she felt about it, she wasn't sure. She was both afraid and excited about what might happen next. She should be firm…she'd already let things go too far. But was there anything wrong in just enjoying the moment while it lasted? 

Chakotay finished the task to his satisfaction and stood up behind her. She kept her eyes firmly forward. What kind of fool was she? She had a chance to get a good look at her hunk of a First Officer in all his glory and she wasn't taking it! He climbed out of the bath. 

"I'll start the shower. We should rinse off in clean water." 

Typical Chakotay! He covered the awkwardness with practicalities. She heard the shower go on behind her. Chakotay cast his eye over her affectionately, noting the tension in her back. She was finding this difficult to deal with, he realised. She was still fighting this attraction between them. Well, he was going to play this to his advantage. He'd been handed a rare opportunity and he was going to make the most of it. 

He walked back to the side of the bath and held out his hand. "Up you get!" 

She simply had to. She didn't have a choice. She had to look up. She had to meet his eyes and take his proffered hand. She couldn't chicken out now…she was going to look like an embarrassed virgin otherwise. Her eyes flicked up, past a point of intense interest…she had to admit she liked what she saw…and fought to keep the blush from rising in her cheeks. He was a pretty impressive specimen of male humankind...exactly how she might have painted him in her most erotic dreams. He was certainly no disappointment. Her hand went into his and he drew her up and pulled her into the shower. 

They stood together under the torrent, he being very solicitous in rinsing her off, and she stood with her back to him and wished with all her heart that things could have been otherwise…that she didn't have to feel the constraints of being Captain here. That she could just be a woman, responding to the loving attention of a man. 

She closed her eyes, luxuriated in these glorious sensations for a few moments and then in an instant he was gone. He came back with a towel wrapped around his waist and another for her. He slapped his hand on the control to stop the water and held a towel out to her. She took it gratefully and wrapped it round herself. For a moment their eyes met, full of curiosity, interest, trying to read the thoughts of the other. How much had it meant? Were they still attracted to each other? How deep did it go? Where might this lead? 

"I can manage now," she told him, lowering her gaze. 

"Good…I'll go and sort out some food. Just shout if you need anything." 

He left her to her thoughts. Thoughts of protocol, of delightful possibilities…if only she weren't the Captain… 

When she had finished drying her hair, she came through into the lounge dressed in a nightdress and robe. He was setting the table, having found himself some clean clothes, and within moments he was putting out a bowl of chicken broth and bread for her to consume. She smiled at him as she sat, and he brought himself a bowl of mushroom soup and sat down opposite her. 

She took a few spoonfuls…she was very hungry, but found it hard to swallow. She was determined she was going to manage it, however. 

"Thank-you, Chakotay…for everything you've done today." 

He dimpled at her. "My privilege," he said, and he meant it. It meant everything to him to have her back safely. 

"I don't deserve you." 

"Yes, you do." She rolled her eyes at him. "How are you feeling now?" 

"A little more human…" 

"Do you want to talk about it?" 

She hesitated, but then decided she did. 

"I didn't think I'd get out of there alive…" 

"You should have had a little more faith in your crew." 

She smiled at him. How blessed she was to have this man as her First Officer! 

She told him as much as she was able about the way she had been arrested and the trial such as it was, the deprivation of the prison and the cruelty of the guards. It was a sordid story, and she tired in the telling of it. It was everything he could have guessed at, given the condition they'd found her in. He listened with quiet sympathy until the small meal was finished. 

Silence fell, and they smiled at each other, a gently reassuring smile. He reached across the table and squeezed her hand. 

"Thank-you again, Chakotay." 

"There's almost nothing I wouldn't do for you," he told her. She nodded in acceptance. "I care about you…more than you'll ever know." 

"I think I do know." They smiled again. "Chakotay…" she said, her tone becoming deadly serious. 

But he didn't let her continue. It was 03.30 hours by now. "I think you need some sleep. I'll get your bed ready." 

He stood and left the table, and once again she felt confused. He'd dodged the heart of the matter yet again. Would they ever discuss this properly? Or was he doing what he always did? Giving her an out. She read so much in his eyes, in his actions, in his words. But he never spelt it out. Was she mis-reading him? Was he not that interested? Or was he merely sparing her (and himself) the pain and humiliation a final rejection would bring? Earlier, she'd thought he'd been milking the situation for everything he could get. Now she wasn't so sure. Maybe his behaviour was simply that of a friend. This was all so confusing…and she couldn't think straight right now. 

She rose from the table and went to finish up in the bathroom, while he prepared her bed and cleared away the remnants of their meal. Catching sight of her sallow face in the mirror she wondered how anyone could possibly find her attractive at the moment. And yet he'd said…well Tom had said and he'd agreed…that she had a cute butt. Did he mean it? And why was her stupid brain wandering along these lines anyway? She was the Captain of this ship…and she couldn't possibly have an affair with a member of the crew. 

Could she? 

Minutes later, she returned to her bedroom. It was with considerable pleasure that she climbed between the sheets of a real bed for the first time in three weeks. 

As she sank back into the pillows with a sigh of satisfaction, he came through to check on her. 

"Got everything you need?" 

"Yes, thank-you." 

"I'll fetch some things from my quarters. Make up a bed in the lounge." 

She looked at him earnestly. All this verbal parrying seemed so petty at the moment…after everything they'd been through today. And she desperately craved the touch of another living breathing human….the connection of flesh on flesh, even if only the squeeze of a hand or an arm round a shoulder. She needed to draw strength from his physical presence and his earlier actions in the bathroom showed he was more than willing to offer it. 

"There's no need," she found herself saying. She didn't want him to draw away. What was she thinking? This was madness. She should maintain a respectable distance…and yet… 

"The Doctor said you were not to be left alone." 

"This is a big bed…and I'd prefer not to be alone," she clarified, patting the empty space beside her (it had been empty too long, she thought) and he tried to hide his surprise at the invitation. For a moment, he couldn't believe what she was suggesting. He knew she was asking him to lie next to her and nothing more, but it was more than he'd ever dreamed she'd offer. After a moment's indecision, he found himself unable to resist and he lay down next to her. He wasn't going to pass up this opportunity. 

"Do you mind?" 

"I guess not. Like to live dangerously?" he teased. 

"Oh I trust you." 

"You do? 

"Naturally. You're too good to me." 

He sighed, not sure what to feel about this. He wasn't sure he wanted to be "trusted" when lying next to her in bed. He'd agreed to stay with her, and her request had been as a friend. There was nothing remotely sexual about her motives tonight, not really, but in the long term Chakotay wanted to be anything but chaste. 

She laid her head wearily against his chest, and he wrapped an arm around her protectively, drawing her closer to him with a sigh. This was heavenly. Even if the circumstances were not happy ones, he was feeling closer to her than he had ever been. 

"This is not how I expected to spend my first night with you," he ventured. 

She tapped a hand on his chest in mock irritation. "You're in my bed…you should be grateful." 

"Oh I am, I assure you." He fell silent for a moment. He could offer her this much. He might feel disappointed that it was not more, but it was exactly what she needed tonight. Strong arms to hold her. 

He stroked her hair now, a gesture full of affection, and she nestled closer. 

"A girl could get used to this!" 

A warm feeling flooded him at her evident enjoyment of their closeness. This definitely verged on an invitation. "You could have this any time you want," he told her. "We both could get used to this." 

"Mmm." 

"There's nothing I'd like more than to make this more permanent." 

She shifted slightly, so that her eyes met his. They were filled with curiosity, perhaps a hint of surprise that he was finally venturing on the long-regarded taboo subject. 

"Chakotay!" she warned, as if he was suggesting the impossible. 

"We both love each other, don't we?" 

Kathryn gasped. "I've never told you that." 

"No. But it's true isn't it? You must know how I feel about you and I think after all that's happened today, it's time we admitted it. Especially considering we're both in your bed." 

She regarded him steadily for quite a while, wondering how to answer this, a little surprised that he'd finally come out and said it. She dearly did not want to give him the ammunition to pull her any deeper, but she did not want to hurt him and she couldn't lie. 

She laid her head back on his chest with a resigned sigh. "Okay we love each other. But I'm the Captain, you're my First Officer. There's not a damned thing we can do about it." 

"I think there is. We've been on this journey for six years. It could last another forty or more. I think it's time we reassessed the situation. Why should we be lonely? Why should we have to endure the pain of loving each other and not being together?" 

"Because we have responsibilities, that's why." 

"And you think if we are lovers we won't be able to shoulder them? We already spend nearly eighteen hours of every day together, why shouldn't we lie next to each other at night and give each other the comfort we both desperately need? We could have this every night. As it is, we part very reluctantly late at night…maybe we'd get to bed a bit earlier. We'd go back on duty refreshed and revitalised. The ship won't explode, the universe won't vanish, the nasty guys won't disappear….or at least it's no more likely if we're sleeping in the same bed than it would be if we were sleeping next door to each other." 

"We can't, Chakotay." 

"Why not?" 

"It's too risky." 

"How so?" 

"We would render ourselves vulnerable. We would be taking risks with the command relationship. What if it all went sour…and you and I were barely talking to each other? How would that serve the crew?" 

"It won't go sour." 

"Nobody can ever say that before they embark upon a relationship. Everybody thinks it's going to be wonderful for all eternity." 

"Trust me, Kathryn. We know each other very well now. We have a deeply meaningful friendship. You trust me with your life and your ship. Why can't you trust me with your heart? I am not going to let you down." 

"You forget…I've had two intense relationships that have ended in misery…" 

He let out a deep breath. Of course she was scared! It was just about the only thing she wouldn't risk….her own heart. "I cannot promise not to die…nor can you, but I can promise to be there for you so long as I am physically able. Hasn't today shown us that every moment is precious…that we cannot waste any of it? I promised a long time ago to stand beside you for the rest of this journey as your friend and your supporter. How can it be much more of a leap to promise to stay by your side forever as your partner in life?" 

"I'm not doubting your sincerity." 

"But?" 

"Becoming lovers could put a strain on our professional relationship." 

"Is the physical thing such a big deal?" 

"Well…I don't know. It's a step into the unknown for us. And once we take that step it can't be undone." 

"You won't want it to be undone." 

"Confident targ." 

"I told you to trust me. We're both hot-blooded beings…with a healthy sexual appetite. I'm an accomplished lover. You'll not be disappointed. What could possibly go wrong?" 

"You are a confident targ!" 

He brushed some hair tenderly off her face. "If you were well enough, I'd show you right now. I turn you on your back and kiss you senseless. I'd make love to every square inch of your body till you were delirious with joy. Then there'd be no going back…" She didn't answer this and he stroked her hair for a few silent moments. "If you're worried about the reaction of the crew, don't. Most of them already think we're together and they will all be thrilled for us. They wouldn't for a moment want us to put our happiness on hold until we got home. There's not a single one of them who would think that we couldn't perform our duties just as well. The thought that we will be less effective because we sleep in the same bed rather than a few yards apart and with a bulkhead in between us is frankly…ridiculous." 

She smiled against his chest, and he warmed to the fact that she was actually considering this. 

"And if it's commitment you want…I'm more than willing to make it official," he added. 

She lifted her head and her eyes met his again curiously. Did he mean what she thought he did? 

"What do you mean?" 

"Well...get married or something." 

"You're proposing?" she asked incredulously. 

"I will, if you want me to." 

"You really are serious about this, aren't you?" she accepted. 

"More than anything. And I think it's time you gave this serious thought. We have something very special, Kathryn. It's something that should be encouraged, built upon, not shoved out of sight and ignored. I know. I've tried to ignore it. I've tried to move on…and failed dismally. I can't change what I feel inside…and it's very painful at times to keep working with you, to see you every day, to be that close and yet to deny what lies between us. I've tried to move on, you know I have. But it just doesn't work. I love you too much. If we were in the Alpha Quadrant, I'd be able to distance myself from you…maybe not seeing you every day I might be able to get over you…but…" 

"If we were in the Alpha Quadrant, you wouldn't have to. I wouldn't be pushing you away..." 

"Well, I'm glad you can admit that." 

"Can we talk about this in the morning? I'm not really thinking straight…" 

"Are you sleepy?" 

"Not sure…but I am very tired." 

"Okay. I'd better let you get some rest." 

"Computer, lights out." 

Kathryn settled down into her bed and Chakotay snuggled up behind her, spooning her to him. She didn't resist and he sighed with satisfaction, placing a kiss on the crown of her head. He hadn't prepared himself for bed, but at that moment he really didn't care. 

"This feels good," she admitted. 

"Yes it does. Kathryn…I know you're not well enough now, but I want to make love to you. I'm going to give you a month. A month to recover." 

"Mmm." 

"One month today, I'm going to make love to you." 

"Mmm." 

"You'll have the most wonderful night of your life." 

"Sounds nice." 

"Okay?" 

"Okay," she sighed drowsily, and within seconds she was breathing deeply as sleep claimed her. 


	3. Chapter 3

Kathryn slept soundly for twelve hours straight, reflecting the fact that she was very exhausted and that Chakotay's soothing presence had banished for the moment the horrors of her captivity. When she woke the next day, she could hear Chakotay moving about in the lounge. He was humming to himself and she immediately felt her spirits lift. She could definitely get used to this! How lovely it would be to wake up every morning with Chakotay so near. 

She grabbed a wrap and wandered through into the lounge to be greeted with a table laid for breakfast and the delicious aroma of hot croissants. There was juice, coffee, fruit, jams and a selection of cheeses. 

Chakotay looked up and beamed at her. He decided she was a much healthier colour now. 

She couldn't help but smile back. "You're spoiling me!" she exclaimed in delight. 

"And you deserve it." 

"Thank you, Chakotay…this is…wonderful." 

"Hungry?" 

She nodded. She realised she was. And the good sleep had done her the world of good. 

"Good," he continued. "Take a seat. I know it's the middle of the afternoon, but I thought breakfast was in order." 

She sat at her table, and he laid a napkin across her lap with a flourish. 

"You slept well!" 

"I did! I feel a lot better." She knew she had slept better than she normally did…and the fact that he had been beside her, his strong soothing presence permeating her subconscious, had helped significantly. "Has the Doctor approved all this?" 

"Yep." 

"Even the coffee?" she asked incredulously. 

"Don't get too excited. It's decaffeinated! By the way, he knows you're awake. He's coming by at 16.00 hours to check you over." 

She nodded and put a croissant and jam on her plate. "I suppose I'd better make the most of the peace while it lasts." 

Chakotay sat down opposite her. "He says you're off duty for at least a week." 

Kathryn rolled her eyes at this. "A week? Dare I ask for a report on ship's status?" 

Chakotay sighed. She never could forget about the ship, even on sick leave. "We're moving at warp 8 and have put considerable distance between us and Gaisuun space. All ship's systems are fully operational and there are no ships or solar systems on scanners worth mentioning. And that's all you're getting out of me today!" 

"No sign of any pursuit?" 

"No sign of any pursuit!" he said firmly. "And that really is my last word on the ship!" 

"Well, okay," she said with acceptance and bit into her croissant with relish. A few minutes went by as they enjoyed their breakfast in companionable silence. "Chakotay, about last night?" 

He looked up at her swallowing hard. "What about last night?" he asked anxiously. 

"We talked about us…or did I dream that?" 

He sat back in his chair and abandoned his breakfast for the moment. 

"No, you didn't dream it." 

"We were both honest about our feelings…maybe that's a good thing…and I don't want to take back what I said…but I think maybe I agreed to something I shouldn't have…" 

"Kathryn, don't you dare!" he cried. "It's taken us six years to be honest with each other. I'm not going to let you backtrack now!" 

"You must know how impossible a...relationship would be! I mean...for us..." 

"No, Kathryn, I don't," he said firmly. "It's not impossible. Anyone with an ounce of common sense knows it's not impossible. Not only is it not impossible...it's highly desirable and makes perfect sense. We've waited long enough. I've been patient for a very long time…waiting for you to realise that you don't have to be alone for the next forty years or so. And don't you dare spout the protocol thing at me…I would hate to think that you think less of me than a bunch of bureaucrats tens of thousands of light years away…" 

"No…no! Don't ever think that! But I have to put the crew first…I have to devote myself one hundred percent to being the Captain that they need. I owe them that much." 

"You think you can't function as a Captain if you're sharing a bed with a man?" 

"Not just any man. You're my First Officer. We have to maintain our professional relationship…" 

"We can, I promise you. And you will always be the Captain that they need whatever happens in private, trust me." 

"Sleeping together would change the dynamic of our relationship." 

"Yes it would. For the better." 

"You can't be certain." 

"Oh, but I am." 

"And once we take that step, there would be no going back!" 

"Good." 

"Chakotay, will you at least try to see my point of view?" 

"My dear, I have been seeing your point of view for six years. Now I want you to see mine." 

She threw him a look of frustration, but she knew he had a point. 

"Is that what irks you?" he continued. "The fact that you can't undo it if it turns out to be an awful mistake? You hate being out of control, don't you?" 

She let out a long breath. "Partly." 

"Yet you take risks in other aspects of your life." 

"I know." 

"Kathryn…this…is…not…going…to…be a mistake!" He held her gaze. 

"I could lose myself in this." 

"I won't let you." 

"But I can't afford to act like a hormone-driven teenager. I can't afford to have my head in the clouds when Voyager is under attack...I'd put all our lives in danger." 

He grinned at this. The thought of a hormonally driven Kathryn Janeway was enticing. "Kathryn, you would focus just fine on the Bridge, I know you would...whatever was going on in your private life. You've proven it time and time again. You're a rational, quick-thinking human being...a brilliant tactician. You will not lose those skills if for a few hours each day you indulge the sensual side of your nature. Okay, things could be a little intense for a few weeks, but if we time it right, it won't be a problem. One month today…if we are in quiet space…I _will_ make love to you." 

"You know I can't agree to that." 

"Fine. But we are going to discuss it. I accept you're going to throw up every argument in the book. I understand you want to toss your concerns about...but I'm not going to take "no" for an answer. You've admitted you love me...so you're going to give this your honest consideration. You owe me at least that! I put my life on the line to get you out of that hell-hole yesterday...several of us did. I'll give you one month, Kathryn, and I hope you'll come to realise that you deserve a life out here just as much as the rest of us. We've made enough sacrifices as it is. It's time to make sure we live our lives to the full out here. Voyager is our home and we should act like it. We can be happy here. And if you're worried about facing the review board when we get back…if we get back in our lifetime…then I'll be right there beside you to take the flak. I'll say it's all my fault, if you like…I caught you at a weak moment." 

"There would be some truth in that," she said sadly. 

"Caught you when you were vulnerable. I'm making a stand for your own good." Her eyes flickered doubtfully. 

"And what if it all went horribly wrong? What if I lost you…?" 

"Kathryn, I can't promise you to live forever…but so long as I am physically able I will be by your side." 

She gazed into his eyes and read the sincerity there. "I've already lost two men I loved…and it is not easy for me to consider taking that risk again," she said with a hitch in her voice. 

"I know. But I didn't see you turning to jelly after you heard from Mark…you were totally capable of performing your duty despite the emotional trauma you were dealing with." 

"I didn't love Mark as I love you. I didn't depend on his support just to get through each day as I do with you. I didn't need to draw on his strength just to survive. This is no pleasure cruise." 

"No, it's not. All the more reason for you to build strong relationships with many of the senior staff…not just me. You need to draw closer to the people who care about you. It isn't healthy to isolate yourself…and our drawing closer would be a good step in the right direction." 

"Maybe. But I wouldn't want to lose their respect. I have to maintain a professional distance." 

"You won't lose their respect over this." 

"After Justin died I sank into a terrible depression. It was only Phoebe's constant nagging that got me through it…" 

Chakotay nodded. "Kathryn, you don't have to beat yourself up about this. You don't have to be perfect. You are human. You just have to be the best you can be, that's all the crew want from you…and you're doing a good job. You've earned their respect over the years...a respect you thoroughly deserve...and you won't lose it by drawing closer to some of the people who care about you. It would be much healthier if you didn't isolate yourself so much and could count on your crew as friends and not just officers. As for the prospect of one of us being killed, I would say that if I lost you, I would be devastated as things are. And I would probably regret even more that we never found the chance to be together. I don't think our staying professional would lessen the blow. I would prefer that I could cherish the time we had together. I'd hope that you would feel the same. And if one of us were to die, it would make a mockery of the decision to stay apart on grounds of protocol. If only one of us reached home, any relationship we may or may not have had would be irrelevant. Besides, it's much more likely that we'll die together out here…given the number of times we've come close to being blown apart by hostiles. Or that it will take so long to get home that it won't even be in our lifetimes, and we won't be there to care what Starfleet think." 

"You have an answer for everything," she said, picking up her croissant and beginning to eat again. 

"Of course. Because I'm right." Kathryn simply raised her eyebrows at him. "My logic would even impress Tuvok." 

"Oh, I think he'd manage to pick a few holes in your arguments. He's a stickler for regulations." 

"Well fine. Discuss it with him. I think you just might be surprised." She laughed dismissively at this. "Kathryn, I'm not backing down." 

"So you say." 

"You're not going to dismiss this out of hand!" 

She gave a exasperated sigh. He was pushing her and she knew it. 

"Alright, I'll think about it." 

"One month." 

"Two days after my birthday," he added. 

"I said I'll think about it. In the meantime… I expect you to be your usual professional self." 

"On the Bridge certainly. In private, your best friend," he said with a grin. He dropped his voice suggestively. "I want to be much much more than your First Officer, and I know we can make it work. If you think about it long enough, you'll know it's the truth. You just have to drop this ridiculous idea that you somehow cannot have a life off the Bridge; that you have to keep yourself apart from the rest of us..." 

"I have to keep myself to a higher standard..." 

"And that standard is loneliness, is it? A standard that says we can't have a life out here? That we can't be content with what we've got?" 

"You know I don't believe that... not for the crew anyway." 

"And what about me? Must I be condemned to forty years of loneliness?" 

"I don't want that for you. Of course I don't." 

"So what if the key to my happiness is sitting looking at me right now trying to make out she's okay with the fact that everybody else on this ship is entitled to some joy in their life except herself." 

"I'm the Captain." 

"You're also a woman. And if you allow that woman a chance to breathe, you won't be any less the Captain." He reached forward and took her hands in his. "I love you, Kathryn Janeway. You admitted last night that you love me. And if allowing that love to flourish is lowering our standards then we should tear up the rule book. I wouldn't want to be part of a community that thought like that." 

She studied his face carefully. He meant it. His eyes were dark, intense, daring her to drop her defences. 

The chime rang and the Doctor entered, very pleased to see his Captain eating. Chakotay, disappointed at being interrupted but feeling confident he'd said enough to set her thinking, excused himself and rose from the table. 

As he left, he threw her a determined gaze. "One month...and I won't take "no" for an answer." 

He left her with the rather curious Doctor and went to the Bridge to check on the ship. He'd made considerable progress with Kathryn over the last few hours, and he hoped she would come around. 

* * *

  


Chakotay took every opportunity to flirt with her over the next few weeks, touching her regularly: a hand on her shoulder, a squeeze of her arm, a soft brush of lips on her forehead. He boasted of his prowess as a lover and whispered suggestively what he planned to do with her when the month was up, although she always countered that he should not get his hopes up. Secretly, she was enjoying the attention. 

He ignored several pleas on her part to tone it down and act professionally, although he did try to restrain himself on the Bridge, as much to keep Tom off the scent as anything else. Besides, he wanted to show her he could separate his two roles. 

Both Tom and Chakotay had cleaned their jackets and were wearing them again. It gave Chakotay a warm feeling inside when his mind pondered on where it had been. He hoped Tom wasn't dwelling on such thoughts. If news of the legendary status of Tom's jacket had filtered down to lower decks, the rumours had been carefully shielded from the ears of Voyager's commanding officers. 

Kathryn did not allow him to sleep in her quarters again, and fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately) the Doctor was convinced she was sufficiently recovered to be alone. She regained her physical strength quite quickly once she began eating regularly again. She wasn't going to admit to Chakotay how much she'd enjoyed his reassuring presence in her quarters that night, and how she'd missed him since. She did not suffer appallingly from emotional trauma either, captivity by hostile aliens not being a novelty and her mind being preoccupied with thoughts of her First Officer and the promise that their relationship held. If anything kept her awake at night, it was thoughts of him. 

She walked through her days with a comfortable warm feeling in her soul. He loved her still, wanted her still…it was almost too good to be true. Thoughts of what he was planning to do with her, reinforced by his suggestive comments, sent her blood racing through her veins, and settled in a delicious ache between her legs. She wanted this. 

She knew she should refuse him. She knew she shouldn't indulge herself. She had to stay focused. She had to put the ship and the crew first. Yet for every reason she could give for not pursuing their relationship, he could counter it with ten of his own why they should. He had thought this through, indeed he had for six years, and it had only taken a confession on her part on the night of her rescue for him to voice them. 

The days passed too quickly for her, too slowly for him. For her, it would mean an end to the delicious dream. She would have to turn him down…and she dreaded to think what this would do to their precious relationship. 

There was no mistaking the date…he reminded her daily how many days there were to go. October turned into November. Chakotay's birthday came and went. Two days later, the month was up. There was no disputing they were in quiet space, with nothing on sensors for weeks to come. She could not defer the moment on grounds of hostilities or engineering problems. The ship was performing like a dream. 

He arranged for her to come and dine with him at 19.00 hours. At first she thought she would attend in uniform, but then decided it was cowardly to try and hide behind the Captain's mask. So she dressed casually in a pale blouse and dark pants....nothing remotely suggestive...and replicated her customary bottle of wine. Whatever else, she had to try and salvage their friendship out of this. 

She stood staring out at the field of stars through the viewport in her quarters for at least an hour before she left. When it came to 19.10 , she was already late and she finally decided she could put off the evil moment no longer. She left for his quarters, fully intending to turn him down. As she reached his door, she took a deep breath and rang his chime. 

Entering the room, she took in the table set for a romantic dinner and the soft music permeating the atmosphere. There were candles, napkins, champagne and a bowl of flowers. 

As she glanced towards Chakotay, she saw his face flood momentarily with relief…he had clearly begun to suspect she wasn't going to show. She was immediately flooded with guilt over what she was putting him through. He had to put up with so much from her. 

"Chakotay…I'm sorry…I'm only ten minutes late." 

"I thought you weren't coming." 

She nodded. She knew this. "I brought the wine," she said, offering him the bottle. 

"I've already put the champagne on ice." 

"So I see." He took the bottle away from her and stood it on a side cabinet. Instead, he poured two glasses of champagne, bringing them back and offering one to her. 

"Thank-you." 

"To us!" 

She clinked her glass against his. "To us!" 

They both took a sip, before she continued, "Chakotay, you know how much I care about you and you know how much I want this, but I don't see how it can work. I don't see how we can take this step…not until we reach home." 

For a moment he said nothing, just took her glass and put it aside. Then he took her by the hand and led her to sit down on the sofa. He didn't let go of her hand as he sat beside her. 

"Kathryn, I know you said you need me to be willing to stand up to you when you are wrong and I'm doing so now. Your First Officer is giving you some life-changing advice, so for once will you listen? Don't make a huge mistake here. You think it is risky to take this step? Let me tell you, it is much more risky not to. You will be a better Captain, if you relax more, if you are happier in your private life, if you sleep and eat more regularly, and if your physical needs are being met. You will be much healthier and less stressed. You will go on duty refreshed, focused and alert...and your First Officer will as well." 

There was much to be said for this argument. "I can't argue with that. But the problem is that we are attracted to each other in a way that does not befit the command team of a starship. That's not something most command teams have to deal with. We have to work on a professional level. We cannot afford to risk our relationship this way." 

"Whatever happens tonight we are taking a risk with our relationship." 

"Starfleet are very careful whom they pair up in command. If there is the slightest hint that there could be romantic complications between the two most senior officers, then will not be assigned together....for good reason." 

"To be sure. But then Starfleet didn't choose me. You did!" 

"Actually they assigned me to capture you," she said with a wry grin. 

"You certainly did that. Consider me captured." Her grin grew wider. "They assigned you Cavit, and, judging from what I've heard of him, I doubt anything remotely romantic sizzled between you." 

"No. The relationship was…grudging respect," she said wistfully. Her opinion of Cavit had never been that high. He was a dull, unimaginative, by-the-book sort of man, but she wasn't going to say so. She would not speak ill of the dead. She couldn't imagine how difficult this journey through the Delta Quadrant would have been with him by her side. She was glad on so many levels that she had Chakotay for First Officer and a friend. 

"To take this step…it would make me vulnerable…I can't afford to do that. If I lost you…" 

"We're all vulnerable…whether we like it or not." He regarded her seriously, searching for a way to break through this barrier. They'd been through all of this already. He reached up and cupped her face. "I nearly lost you in that Gaisuun hell-hole, but I got you back. Do you know how that makes me feel? It makes me want to celebrate being alive! And I want to celebrate with you. I'm so glad that we're in the Delta Quadrant and we're together. We can face everything that this quadrant throws at us side by side. We know there will be tough times, but we're survivors. We'll pull through together. I know you've been badly hurt by your past relationships. I know that. But answer me one thing: Do you regret now that you became intimate with Justin and Mark? Would you wish away what you had? Would you turn back time and not let yourself get involved with either of them?" 

Her face crumpled in disbelief that he should think such a thing and she pulled back from his hold. "No!" Of course, she didn't. Not for an instant. It was unthinkable that she could wish away what they'd had, which made it all the more foolish to deny herself this relationship on the grounds of potential disaster, to sacrifice the present for a future that may never happen. 

"Do you trust me, Kathryn?" 

"You know I do." 

"Then put your faith in your First Officer and friend. Let me worry about the fine detail. Let me worry about making this work. All you have to do is to sit back and enjoy the ride." He grinned at her knowingly. "And you will enjoy the ride." 

Kathryn swallowed. His words held promise of barely imagined pleasure. The woman within couldn't help but feel the stirring of desire. And yet there was so much earnestness in his eyes. She should say no. She should say no…she couldn't let herself…she'd come here to tell him exactly that. 

But she found herself nodding. She was almost shocked that her traitorous body seemed to have disengaged itself from her rational mind. Chakotay sensed a weakening of her resolve. 

"Think of it this way. You can justify this on grounds of crew morale. Men outnumber women 2 to 1 on this ship. We have a limited pool of potential male-female relationships. In reality we only have ourselves to turn to. Off-ship relationships dissolve in a flash. If women are in the minority here, it is wholly unreasonable for the Captain to make herself unavailable. If we were to be totally practical, she should take at least two lovers…." 

Kathryn laughed at this, relaxing a little. "And you'd be willing to share me?" 

"Not a chance. But you'd be doing everyone a favour by taking one very eligible male off the market." 

"Very eligible, huh?" she asked, her eyes twinkling. 

"I have it on good authority that there are at least a half a dozen women who are interested." 

"Oh?" 

"Yes. But the one I want is sitting right beside me now." He leaned closer holding her gaze defiantly. "And I'm not going to take "no" for an answer." 

"You're not?" Her eyes were sparkling now and he took the opportunity to lean forward and capture her lips for the first time. There was a moment's resistance, but then her hands wandered round onto his back. They seemed to be moving of their own volition. Her traitorous mind seemed to be silencing that warning bell...the one that said she shouldn't allow this. All she could think about now was how wonderful this felt. He deepened the kiss, allowing his body to do the talking now, and her body quite simply to respond. A soft moan escaped her mouth. She could not disguise her interest. It crossed her mind that maybe this was what she needed…a man to take charge, to take advantage of her in a moment of weakness. 

The kiss seemed to last forever. It was delicious, exploratory, holding the promise of growing hunger. Their bodies began to come alive. Finally, he pulled back, confident now they were going to go through with this. He wasn't going to let her escape. And once the step was taken, there'd be no going back. 

"This is most inappropriate behaviour in a First Officer!" she murmured, teasingly. 

"I'll give you inappropriate!" he cried, capturing her lips again. "Does this feel like a mistake?" 

"No," she admitted. "Far from it." 

"Captains deserved to be loved," he commented, teasing a line of kisses along her jaw. 

When they broke apart again, he asked, "Just how hungry are you?" 

"Very! But not for food," she said, standing and drawing him behind her. "You promised me the night of my life, so I'd like to call it in. Let's take this in the bedroom…before I lose my nerve, before my sanity returns and I change my mind." 

He grinned, sweeping her off the floor and into his arms. "Sanity? You never made a saner decision in your entire life." 

"Oh." 

"I promise you one thing. You will never, never regret this… I simply won't let you." 

Her face broke into a grin as they made it through into his bedroom. "You won't let me?" 

"No, I don't think I will. You will be the happiest Starfleet Captain in the Delta Quadrant." He lay her down on his bed and tugged her blouse from her pants. 

"That wouldn't be difficult." 

"No," he kissed her behind her ear. 

"I am the only Starfleet Captain in the Delta Quadrant." 

He kissed her again. "Is that so?" 

"Yes." 

"Still, you'd rather be a happy one!" 

Kathryn wrapped a hand around his neck and dropped her voice an octave, whispering in a way that set his blood rushing to his groin, "My darling, I already am." 

"Oh no! This," he said, capturing her lips again, "is just the beginning. You just wait! You're going to learn a thing or two about happiness." 

His right hand drifted under her blouse and teased its way to her breast. He knew instantly that he would not be disappointed this time. A month of pampering and good food had worked its miracle. He would get to see…and touch…her body in its full glory. The thought began to excite him rather too quickly, as he began to fumble with the buttons on her blouse. She squirmed happily as he did so and he filed away the fact that she was ticklish with relish. 

The string of buttons came apart and he paused, leaving a small line of exposed flesh. He could just make out the black lace of her bra now, and he could hardly wait to pull it from her. He rose up on his arms and studied his Captain with loving eyes. They were both breathing heavily, their bodies coursing with arousal, hearts pounding with anticipation. He'd waited for this woman for six years. This was a wonderful step they were about to take together. He wanted to make this perfect. 

She met his gaze and held it for a few moments. He marvelled at the intensity there. If he had any doubts about her commitment, they were gone now. 

"I love you," he whispered. "You can't possibly know how much." 

"I think I have an inkling. And, for the record, I love you too." 

He kissed her again, and began extricating her from her blouse. "Lesson one," he told her. "A woman with a talented lover enjoys herself far more without her clothes." 

* * *

  


Late into the evening, the lovers lay entwined and exhausted on Chakotay's bed. The dinner had long since been forgotten. Chakotay nuzzled her neck dreamily. She was healthy and beautiful now, he reflected. He was glad he'd given her the month to recover. 

They had made love almost incessantly for several hours, and he had never felt more exhilarated nor more satisfied in his entire life. Kathryn had proved to be as present and enthusiatic a lover as she was a Captain on the Bridge of her ship. He'd always suspected as much, but the reality had proved even more thrilling than the imagination. 

They were both tired now and Kathryn was hovering on the edge of sleep. Chakotay ran his hand lazily over her hip. Tom was right, he reflected. She did have a totally cute butt, but he was the one that would from now on be privileged to get his hands on it. 

"Now tell me if any of that was a mistake?" he asked her confidently. 

"Are you kidding? It was heavenly." 

"So...Kathryn Janeway, have I given you the night of your life?" 

She sighed happily. "Oh yes! It was wonderful. Divine. You were right, my darling." 

"Hmm?" 

"You are an accomplished lover." 

"So are you." 

"I'm a little out of practice." 

"That can soon be remedied," he whispered, allowing his hand to drift between her legs and tease at the stickiness, a mixture of their combined essence that spoke of their earlier passionate joining. 

She brushed his fingers away. "Give a girl a chance to recover. We're not in our twenties any more..." 

"I feel like it. G-d, you make me feel so alive!" 

"We are a great team, aren't we?" 

"We always have been. I knew this moment would come and I knew it would be brilliant." 

"You knew it would come?" 

"Sooner or later. It's been waiting to happen since we first met. We were either going to come together in a frenzy of passion or end up hardly able to speak to each other. Thank the spirits, it was the former." 

"It was pretty amazing, wasn't it?" It had been everything she'd dreamed of too. "Chakotay?" 

"Mmm?" 

"Thanks for pushing...I needed it." 

"So I got you in a weak moment, did I?" 

"You could say that. I know I made it difficult for you...I'm sorry for all I've put you through." 

"Hush now," he said, kissing her shoulder, "It's all in the past. Forgotten. We're going to put it all behind us and greet the future together." 

A few moments ticked by and Kathryn's breathing began to deepen. 

"Kathryn?" 

"Mmm?" she managed drowsily. 

"One month today...I'm going to ask you to marry me." 

"Mmm...." 

"Okay?" 

"Okay..." She let out a long sleepy sigh. 

Chakotay smiled to himself. His last thought before he fell asleep was that he wasn't going to take "no" for an answer. 


End file.
